boudoir myths & excuses debunked, boudoir blog

10 Boudoir Myths & Excuses Debunked

Is your mind trying to talk you out of a boudoir photoshoot? Common excuses for women on the fence about whether to have an intimate photoshoot like boudoir is always along the lines of “What if I am not sexy enough?” or even worse, “I don’t have a sexy side in me.” I will counter them with the truth.

I dont think I can do a boudoir shoot. This one is easy. Let’s put some emphasis on think. Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are always right. When you think you can’t, your brain looks for even more reasons not to do it, so maybe you also deal with another excuse or few on the list for the same reason. Now, if you change that phrase into “I think I can do it” or even better, “I can do it” or best “I know I can do it,” your brain will adjust as needed for you to achieve it. About 50% of the work is done just by changing your mindset to a positive one. You will always see the positives & possibilities if you keep your mind on the bright side. Remember that you will be guided along the way, you won’t be alone, ok beautiful? Change your phrase & book it! You CAN do it & you will be remarkable at it.

Before we review the excuses & why they are not valid, I will quickly talk about why your mind is going against you. Excuses are, for the most part, created by our brain to try to stay in our comfort zone. Our brain is programmed to avoid things it thinks will harm us & it is, of course, not a bad thing. However, it can also be a burden on our soul & goals when our brain makes things that are not dangerous feel dangerous because it is something we have never done before & our brain thinks since we did not need it in the past to survive, why would we need it now? Trust me, I have been there, everyone has, we are all humans, we need to know as intellectuals when our mind is overreacting & creating fear out of nothing. Many times, this fear is excitement for trying something new, but the brain’s reactions are similar for the same reason; it is something you have not done before. Now, let’s start looking into the:

1. “I don’t have the time for a boudoir shoot”

Ah, time, that ever-elusive sprite, darting between our fingertips like the final rays of a sunset slipping beneath the horizon. “I don’t have the time for a boudoir shoot,” whispers the hurried mind, ensnared in the relentless tangle of daily commitments and responsibilities. Yet, allow me to take you by the hand and gently guide you through the looking glass, where we shall debunk this common modern excuse with the grace of a ballet dancer and the precision of a poet.

First, let us ponder the essence of time itself. We allocate precious hours to endeavors that refresh our spirits, enhance our lives, and nourish our souls. Why, then, do we hesitate to spare a few of those golden moments for an experience that promises not just photographs, but a voyage of self-discovery and empowerment? A boudoir shoot is not a mere appointment on your calendar; it is a sanctuary in time, a realm where the world’s demands fade into the background, leaving space for you to explore, celebrate, and rediscover the facets of your identity that lie dormant amidst the chaos of daily life.

Consider the alchemy of a boudoir session, wherein hours dissolve into moments of authenticity and raw beauty. These moments are not lost; they are immortalized, captured through the lens of both the camera and the soul. They become timeless treasures, whispering tales of confidence, sensuality, and strength that will echo through the corridors of your life, long after the shoot has concluded. In the grand canvas of our existence, the time invested in a boudoir shoot is but a single fiber, yet it weaves a pattern of self-love and empowerment that adorns the fabric of our being with unmatched elegance.

Moreover, the hands of the clock need not dictate the rhythm of our lives with unbreakable resolve. In the hustle and bustle of daily obligations, there is always space to veer away from the mundane, if only for a brief interlude. A boudoir shoot can be tailored to fit the crevices of your schedule, a secret garden awaiting your presence within the confines of an afternoon or the span of a morning. The question, therefore, is not whether you have the time, but whether you will allow yourself the grace to claim it.

And so, to the chorus of souls lamenting the absence of time, I extend my invitation to pause, to breathe, to step beyond the veil of busyness that shrouds the innate longing for connection with the deeper essences of who you are. Embarking on a boudoir adventure is not a misappropriation of time, but a gift to your future self—a memento of beauty, power, and the infinite complexity of your being, captured in a moment, yet everlasting.

Thus, you shouldn’t hide behind the hazy veil of time’s scarcity. Instead, let us embrace the possibility of transformation that a boudoir shoot offers, a journey measured not in hours and minutes, but in the timeless currency of self-discovery and the celebration of our individual essence. The time is not found, it is made, by choosing to honor the parts of ourselves that yearn to be seen, acknowledged, and immortalized.

2. “I don’t have the body for boudoir.”

Umm, yes, you do… you have a body, right? You’re breathing, & you are reading this, that qualifies you for a boudoir photoshoot! Boudoir does not have body guidelines, well, at least for my work. Yes, I have realized that on social media, 90% of boudoir images are of women with lean & fit bodies. Here’s the thing, I can guarantee that most of those are professional models who focus on having & keeping “the perfect body” & wanted to post some boudoir to excite their audience & bring in more followers. Also, let’s be honest, it’s social media, non-models with bodies like that know they won’t get any criticism. Hence, they post without fear & are probably looking to become a model or influencer themselves!

Whether you believe you could lose or gain some pounds, you should not have to wait to have a boudoir photoshoot. There are two reasons. The first reason, you might be forgetting that you are working with a professional photographer, we know how to capture the image right, things that come into play here are the lighting, the angle, & the pose. If your main trouble area is your tummy, and you are still worried about it, you can quickly suck it in; even models do that when they have a bloated stomach or if gained a few pounds after that big dinner they had. We also use photo editing software & while I personally do not like over-editing your beauty, it is also an option if that is what you want. Reason two, you can always come back for another photoshoot & have something to look back at, I know you’ll probably say, “Hey, I look sexy now, but I also did before!” Most boudoir photoshoot clients come back multiple times, especially to capture body milestones or birthdays! The photoshoot is more about how it makes you feel so if anything, give yourself the gift of self-love, trust me, no matter where you are at right now in terms of your body goals, your pictures will WOW!

3. “I don’t have a sexy side”

Ok, what? You do know you are a human, right? We like other mammals & in fact, nearly every living thing out there has (or at least wants to) have sex. Being sexy means you are sexually attractive, as in, another human wants to get intimate with you because you are AMAZING. Yes, you do have a sexy side. I understand that for many, it is hard to express their sexuality because of reasons like social stigma & religion, or it just wasn’t talked about in the household, so it always felt like a taboo topic. You maybe never really discovered your sexy, but trust me, it’s there. If that’s the “issue” than a boudoir photoshoot just gained another pro to your list because it can help you find & show your sexy side. By the way, don’t think all women just walk into the photoshoot like “yes, I am ready & feeling super sexy for my shoot!” Like everything in life, it will take some time, we’ll talk, maybe have some awkward moments, laugh it off, eat, & you’ll realize that after a while you will feel comfortable & happy, this is the perfect setting for your sexy to come out, you’ll feel it & you will see it.

4. “I don’t even own any sexy lingerie”

Let us first dispel the myth that the essence of boudoir is woven solely into the fabric of what we traditionally deem ‘sexy lingerie.’ The truth, as intricate and multifaceted as the human form itself, is that the allure and depth of a boudoir session are captured not in the attire, but in the spirit, with which one inhabits every thread, every shadow, every light. It’s the way a piece of fabric echoes the contours of your story, the texture of your soul, the whispers of your journey. Whether it be a silk gown that flows like the rivers of your deepest desires, or a simple bra and panties set, every choice is a verse in the poem of your unique expression.

However, recognizing the dance of doubts that plays in the mind, the concern that the lack of a personal arsenal of lingerie poses a barrier to this exploration, I have a solution. Picture this: an add-on option, a treasure chest brimming with various lingerie options, each piece carefully selected to cater to diverse tastes, sizes, and comfort levels. Imagine walking into our session, and there, like the wardrobe to Narnia, lies an array of possibilities for you to try on, each one a gateway to a facet of yourself perhaps yet unexplored.

This collection, ranging from the delicate lace that whispers secrets to the bold designs that shout freedom, is not merely fabric. It is a palette with which you can paint your narrative, a tool to carve your sculpture of self-appreciation. You are invited to sift through this haul, to find the piece or pieces that resonate with your essence, that amplify the intimate song of your soul. It’s an exploration, a playful adventure into the realms of fabric and form, designed to ensure that the absence of a personal collection of lingerie becomes not a hurdle but a footnote in the grand story of your boudoir experience.

In this space, where the focus is not on possessing but on being, I offer this option as a bridge, connecting the world you know to the world you wish to discover. It’s a hand extended in support, assuring you that all you need to bring to this encounter is yourself—your hopes, your fears, your vulnerabilities, and your strengths. The lingerie, whether from your collection or mine, is merely the accent, the spice, it’s your essence that flavors this exquisite dish.

5. “My friends/partner/family wouldn’t approve”

The voices of friends and family, troubling you with the fear of judgment and the hesitance of stepping beyond perceived societal bounds. Let us take a moment to lower the volume on this external orchestra, and instead, tune into the quiet but potent melody of self-expression and independence that resides within.

First, we must acknowledge the value of understanding and respecting the perspectives of those we hold dear. Their apprehensions, often grounded in concern or traditional, often religious views, are not without cause. However, it’s essential to recognize that the decision to engage in a boudoir shoot resides within a realm deeply personal, a setting where the primary approval should be your own. This is not meant to be solely in a form of a rebellious act, but a profound exploration of self-love, body positivity, and the reclamation of one’s erotic energy, an art form where you are both the canvas and the muse.

The journey through a boudoir session is an ode to the self, a sonnet penned in the curves of your own story, the light and shadow of your being. It’s an intimate conversation between you and the lens, one which seeks not the chorus of external validation but the whisper of inner acknowledgment. This is about capturing your essence, celebrating your journey, affirming your sensuality, and most importantly, doing so for yourself.

Moreover, embarking on this adventure offers a unique opportunity to open a dialogue with those whose opinions weigh heavily upon your heart. It invites a sharing of perspectives, an exploration of fears and aspirations, and perhaps, a gentle unveiling of misconceptions. Through this process, there’s a chance not only for personal growth but for the deepening of these relationships. This isn’t about defiance; it’s about discovery—of self, of understanding, and of the beauty that lies in honest expression.

Remember, that the act of choosing yourself, honoring your desires, and celebrating your form in all its splendor is an act of courage. It’s a declaration that while the voices of friends, your partner, or family weave together in the composition of your life, the tune that guides you is your own. 

6. “Strangers will see me in lingerie / naked”

In the flight of light and shadow that is boudoir photography, a common refrain often hesitates in the wings: “Strangers will see me in lingerie/naked.” It’s a whisper of vulnerability, a flicker of fear in the glowing candle of courage that has led you thus far. Yet, as we stand at the threshold of creation, let us gently extinguish this concern with the warmth of understanding and the light of truth.

Firstly, allow me to weave a scene for you, not of a bustling studio filled with prying eyes, but of a sanctuary where the only souls in attendance are you and me, and occasionally, an optional stylist whose artistry is a brushstroke in our masterpiece. This stylist, a maestro of aesthetics, may indeed be present to ensure every detail is perfect, but consider her work the prelude. Once her symphony of styling concludes, she exits the stage, leaving you and me to capture the essence of your spirit in a space as intimate and secure as a whispered secret. Boudoir photography is a duet, not a chorus; rest assured, no one will see you in these states but myself, unless, of course, you wish otherwise.

I come to you not just as a stranger with a camera but as a confidante, an ally, a friend. I aim to transform the lens through which we interact from one of cold glass to a warm, inviting gaze, one that sees not just the form but the soul, not just the body but the journey. It’s a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding, where the camera becomes not a barrier, but a bridge, connecting your inner world with the outer, your vision with my artistry.

In the spirit of intimacy and to dispel any unease that might cloud our session, I offer you this: if it brings you comfort, I can join you in being in your underwear. This gesture is not about mimicry but solidarity; a reaffirmation that in this space, vulnerability is shared, not shouldered alone. It’s an acknowledgment that we’re on this journey together, navigating the ups, downs, and flows of comfort and expression, ensuring that the balance of power remains ever in your favor.

Lastly, your images, these fleeting moments of intimacy captured in time, are sacred. You hold the key to their destiny. While some find empowerment in sharing their photographs, adding them to my public portfolio as testaments to their journey and as a lighthouse for others, your preference reigns supreme. Your privacy is a treasure chest for which only you possess the map. If you wish for these photographs to remain for your eyes only, or shared with a select few, then so shall it be. The ownership of your image, your likeness, remains firmly in your hands.

Let these illuminations dispel the shadows of concern regarding strangers and nakedness. Our boudoir session is a fortress of confidentiality, a garden where trust blooms in the rich soil of professionalism and empathy. Here, in our cocoon of creation, you are free to explore, express, and exist – clothed in lingerie, draped in light, or bared in vulnerability – with the assurance that the only eyes that witness your unveiling are mine, and your privacy is the sacred ground on which we stand.

7. A boudoir shoot will be awkward

Ok, firstly, what’s awkward? Saying your goodbyes then walking in the same direction or catching up with them minutes thereafter (happened to me several times, once three times in a row with the same person), waving or replying to someone who you thought was mingling with you, but in actuality they were interacting with the person beside you. I could go on and on, the point, being human is awkward. Even the most charismatic, extroverted person has their slipups. And so, we face the specter of awkwardness with a knowing grin as we consider the prospect of a boudoir shoot. The fear whispers, “Won’t it be awkward?” But I would say, whisper back, “And if it is, what?”

Secondly, my boudoir shoots aren’t one of those cheesy photoshoots with fake backdrops or where I count down and yell: SAY CHEESE! My boudoir sessions are a world away from the rigid structures of traditional photoshoots. This isn’t a case of standing stiff as a statue against a backdrop, nor is it a staged play where your smile must be displayed on command. No, this is a celebration of the sensual vibe that is uniquely yours, a rhythm that we find together, a collaborative symphony where the only notes to hit are those of genuine emotion and connection. It’s an experience tailored to envelop you in comfort, where the ambiance, the music, even the scents in the air, all conspire to weave an atmosphere where you can unfold naturally, beautifully.

Third, the dance with awkwardness can, in its own unexpected way, add a layer of authenticity and relatable charm to the session. Should a moment of awkwardness arise, let it not be a specter to haunt our endeavor but rather a stepping stone towards a more genuine connection and a more textured narrative. Awkward moments don’t spell the end of the shoot; they bring us back to the heart of the experience, reminding us that beauty thrives in the natural world of the real, the unvarnished, the human. It’s in these unscripted instances that we often discover the most about ourselves, unveiling vulnerabilities and strengths alike, and there’s an undeniable magic in capturing that process.

In embracing the possibility of awkwardness, we allow ourselves the freedom to experience and express without the heavy armor of pretense. It becomes not a barrier, but a bridge towards deeper intimacy and self-expression. When laughter bubbles over a misstep or a candid gesture reveals a hidden facet of your personality, these are the moments when the essence of boudoir photography shines brightest. It’s in the imperfections, the silly moments, the shared chuckles over a pose gone awry, that the true spirit of the shoot emerges.

Therefore, do not let the fear of awkwardness dim the glow of this opportunity. Step into the boudoir with both the elegance of a swan and the playful heart of a kitten exploring its reflection for the first time. For, in the gentle embrace of my sessions, awkwardness becomes not a shadow of worry, but a companion in crafting an experience rich with laughter, authenticity, and inimitable beauty. Here, in this shared space, we find not just the artistry of photography, but the delightful art of being wonderfully, awkwardly human.

8. “Boudoir photography is done by women”

Ah, this assumption, ever so gently draped in the silky whispers of misconception, that boudoir photography is a realm exclusive to women. Well, it’s time to debunk this charmingly outdated notion.

Firstly, let’s acknowledge the thread of truth in this thread. Boudoir photography is mainly dominated by women, with many holding rich experiences of capturing the intimate, the sensual, the profoundly personal. It’s a space where many female photographers have found a powerful voice, creating environments of trust and empowerment for their clients. It’s an exquisite form of art that celebrates femininity in all its glory.

However, a man can bring a different perspective to the art of boudoir photography. While a female photographer may find something to not be considered sexy or feasible, for a male photographer, it may be a new revelation in the world of sensual aesthetics. Male boudoir artists such as myself can form a stronger bond with a woman, which will produce a relaxed and intimate environment, where you can be your true feminine self. Why? Because masculine energy will make your femininity shine through.

To say that boudoir photography is done exclusively by women is to ignore the splendid variety of perspectives that enrich this genre. Men, too, have dipped their brushes into this palette of delicate light and shadow, contributing their unique vision to the canvases of countless souls. As an expert boudoir photographer focusing on the sensual energy that dances in the space between a woman and the lens, I can assert that one’s sex does not dictate the ability to capture or create beauty.

The essence of boudoir photography lies in its ability to see, to really see. It’s about peeling back the layers, not just of clothing, but of the self, revealing truths that shimmer beneath the surface. It’s about the connection, the trust that blossoms in the quiet corners of the studio, between the click of the shutter and the soft sigh of satisfaction at a glimpse of the captured image. This intimate dance can be led by anyone, regardless if they’re a man or woman, who approaches it with sensitivity, empathy, and an artist’s eye.

In the end, the magic of boudoir photography is not confined by who holds the camera. The magic lies in the alchemy that happens in front of it—the raw, the real, the breathtakingly beautiful moments of womanhood captured in a frame. It’s about the stories we tell, the bodies we celebrate, and the connections we forge. And those are not privileges reserved for women alone. They are the treasures found in the hearts and souls of all who dare to embrace the feminine energy with honesty, artistry, and an open heart.

So let us cast aside this endearing myth, like a robe slipping off shoulders in the dim light of the studio, and step into the truth that boudoir photography, in all its intimate glory, welcomes and thrives on the contributions of both men and women.

9. “I am not photogenic; I don’t like pictures of myself”

Ahhhh well guess what, I felt the same way, but I figured out it’s not because I straight up hated my body, it’s because we tend to spot our imperfections, areas that make me go “wHy dO I HaVe BaD GenES”, for me, it was always my face specifically my face because my parents & their family bloodline mainly have what is usually called a “baby face” we look younger than we are because our face isn’t well-defined & we’ve had people think me and my dad are brothers even though he’s double my age… I hated it, but I was always told it would help eventually & I suppose they’re right. I am not going to wait until I am in my 40-50s to take pictures of myself… you see I figured out what angles & poses make me look more my age, pictures that put more emphasis on the rest of my body, this really helped A LOT. My non-photographer friends & family would mostly take my photos, & I was never pleased with what they shot. In contrast, a photographer friend will always make me look better. Do you see what I am getting at? You think you don’t look good, but it’s really just the photography skills. Everyone has that spot they don’t like about themselves, but if the pictures are taken just right, then it is Instagram worthy!

10. “I don’t have anyone to do it for”

Do you forget the person who should matter the most to you? The person who is always there for you? The one who, despite the hardships, still loves you & wants to be happy? YOU. Sure, most of the boudoir photoshoots are for a significant other, but the best ones are for when it’s for you. Why do you think they’re called a significant other? Because YOU are the most significant to yourself and no, it is not egotistic to say. You need to focus on yourself. As a woman, your natural instinct is to care for others & that is great, but how can you do that if you don’t consider yourself in the equation? You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself. In today’s world, people get too focused on “how can I save the planet” or “how can I make someone’s life better?” Without realizing that it all starts from within. Back to boudoir, a boudoir photoshoot is a fantastic way to explore yourself & free yourself sexually. It will find your sexy & not be afraid to show it. And if you still want an occasion for it, then having a boudoir photoshoot is a great way to celebrate and gift yourself for milestones such as birthdays, career goals, weight loss or gains, and other forms of body change or alterations. One day, you could even share your images with someone you love or even with the world. Most importantly, though, it is more than just the pictures. It’s for the experience and a great show of self-love, which in turn becomes a great self-esteem boost.

Well, there you have it, those are the most common excuses disassembled & destroyed, I know you are ready for a boudoir photoshoot now and hopefully, we can work together soon!



A bespoke boudoir experience awaits.